I am going to meet you now, whether you like it or not.

I moved into my neighborhood about nine months ago and I have yet to really meet a neighbor. It’s spring, and the ‘hood is bustling, and I’m shouting “Hi!” and “Hello!” with good response, but not getting much further. Fuzzy neighbors are slippery like that.

I call them fuzzy because I’m near-sighted and I rarely wear my glasses if I’m not driving or watching The Real Housewives of anywhere in this country. So, the people could be giving me dirty looks, could be smiling, could be talking to me on line in the grocery store, but I’d never know it unless I started wearing my glasses. Up close, they’d be people with faces, instead of fuzzy neighbors from afar. However, up close seems like a thousand miles away–quite a journey–and I’m ready to take the first step.
Truth be told, I was mad at all of them for months. I really love my new home and I pictured my neighbors approaching me–all giddy and glee–with welcome baskets and Real Housewives conversation. Never happened. The most dialogue I got was when the next door neighbor asked me to stop allowing my dogs to go to the bathroom in his yard. He was right, that happened. In my defense, that was after he neglected to bring me a goody basket or even come out and say “hey” when we were moving in. You saw me moving in! I know you did, you big being of fuzz.

So, lately I’ve been having a few conversations with my friends (of which I have MAN-Y–and good ones too, fuzzy neighbors) about my neighborhood. And someone made the most enlightening statement, “To have good neighbors, you have to be a good neighbor.” Aha! I will no longer let the dogs loose in the yard, because they don’t behave and tend to roam off wherever they want, which happens to be just across the imaginary–but very real–border between my neighbor’s house and mine. I’ve started taking those dogs on more walks, AND I bring plenty of poo bags. With that, I feel that I am becoming more neighbor-licious every day.
Therefore, I am going to meet you now, fuzzy neighbors, whether you like it or not. You may be wondering, “who is that woman who keeps waving at me when she drives past my house?” Or, ”Who keeps shouting ‘hello’ at us from two blocks down the street?” Or, “What’s that lady doing on our lawn?” She is me. And I was simply admiring your tulips–what a good year for them, wouldn’t you say? Next time, come out and greet me. I’m not crazy. I’m just so darn good-neighborly.

Being Happy at Home: For Stay-at-Home Moms

I have been a stay-at-home mom for over nine years now and I have about two years to go before my youngest goes off to school. I am enjoying this phase in my life immensely. Here are some tips and pointers for loving your children and remembering yourself.

1. Build Your Schedule. Are you new to the world of domestic bliss? Chances are you have gotten lost in your pajamas and the programming of daytime TV. This approach starts out as Nirvana and ends up as torture. Your creative mind gets lost in the process.

Or, perhaps you are at the opposite end of the spectrum. Maybe you are a go-getter at the office and now you are taking the same approach with baby. I see you grinding your own organic baby food and flipping through the black and white flashcards with your newborn.
The first true step of stay-at-home parenting is to recognize that this is going to be a glorious phase in your life. Just because you are home now, does not mean it is the right time to lay focus on decorating your entire house or getting to that garage project you have been meaning to for years, though you will have plenty of time for that in gradual and time-appropriate steps.

Schedule your time to utilize it, just as you would at the office. You are probably going to take on responsibility for a considerable amount of housework now that you will be in the home, schedule that in half hour to one hour increments. You probably like to enjoy a favorite TV program every weekday, schedule that. You need time for meal preparation and exercise, schedule those items too. Fresh air does a body good, pick your favorite time of day and schedule some of that for you and your child.

With a tidy schedule to look over, it turns out there are more hours to the day than you thought! You will also realize where your time is wasted. My biggest time-waster is internet window shopping. To curb this habit, I allow myself an hour to email, browse and click through the internet and then I shut the computer down for the day. Once you identify your own largest time-waster, your schedule will run more efficiently.

2. Identify your goals. Children grow fast, so this time is temporary and should be enjoyed. Make realistic goals of what you would like to do with your time. Would you like to use your time at home to teach them things they would otherwise be learning at daycare or preschool? Would you like to strengthen the bond between you and your child and use this time to build security? Would you like the time to introduce cultural and social aspects?

There is no right or wrong answer here. It does not matter what your best friend or your sister-in-law is focusing on. Ask yourself what you are looking to do with this time, what feels good for you, and then stick with that goal.

3. Acknowledge and honor your strengths. This goes hand-in-hand with forming a goal for your time as a stay-at-home parent. Take a minute and think of your parenting style:

Are you patient and do you have the ability to break down lessons into simple instruction? You will probably enjoy teaching your child the basic lessons in preparation for writing, reading, and arithmetic. This will result in pleasant and rewarding time for the both of you.

Are you family-oriented and nurturing? Do you enjoy cooking and baking? Would you prefer cuddling at home versus going out on the town? You will probably enjoy using your time as a stay-at-home parent to strengthen the family relationship, and you and your child will enjoy practicing acts of thoughtfulness and charity together.
Are you active with tons of friends and your schedule is loaded with play dates and lunches? Let this be your focus! Your child is learning, from you, how to be a wonderful friend and an upstanding member of the community. You and your child will begin to take pleasure in organizing events and activities together.

Doing what you do best, what you truly enjoy doing, is the best way to live a fulfilling life. And living a fulfilling life is the easiest way to teach your child the path to their own pure joy.
4. Enjoy yourself. I really mean this one. Do not look at this time at home as a prison sentence or a means to an end. Do not feel frustrated by the terms of the situation. If you feel that way, it is time to reorganize your goals and your priorities.

Look for creative outlets, alone and together with your child. Schedule nap time in accordance with your own desires and use the quiet time to relax in the shower, read an entertaining book or magazine or whatever it is you love to do when no person needs anything from you. Practice this every day.

I invested in a jogging stroller that fits my two youngest children. I combine my exercise hour with something the children will be involved in (fresh air and a stroll) and we do this most days right before nap. When we come home, I’m invigorated from the workout and the children are sleepy. They lie down and I treat myself to all the spa-like products in my bathroom. Then, I use the rest of my time for whatever feels right for me that day. Some days, I too need a nap. Other days, I soak up the peaceful quiet and practice meditation or read a great book.

5. Don’t worry about a thing. Every little thing is gonna be alright.

We are, all of us, perfect. Whatever mistakes we are unknowingly making in our children’s lives are part of our learning process. We are doing the best that we can with the knowledge that we have right now. Copy, paste, repeat.

We are a society of over-achievers and we have started to over-think this whole parent-baby relationship. The baby needs only one thing from a parent. That one thing is unconditional love.

In relation to the steps above, I will admit that I am not a teacher. My patience is limitless, unless I am trying to teach someone how to read. It is not in my nature to do so. Proof that this isn’t the end of the world: My third and second graders are reading at above-average levels with the lessons they have been taught in school. Ta-da! I still have academically successful children.

I am not a socialite. I decline most invitations to play dates and I just say no to about half of the birthday parties my children are invited to, especially if I’ve never heard any of my children utter the name of the birthday boy/girl. My children and I manage to maintain quality friendships and loving relationships that individually enrich our lives. Ha-Ha! I still have socially progressive children.

I am the other thing–I call it domestic and traditional. I cook and I bake and I cuddle. I try to give more than I take. I try to teach my children to share the wealth, think positive and feel good. And sometimes, they don’t feel so positive and we work on that. At other times, they have absolutely no desire to share a toy that they were not even playing with in the first place. We talk about that. However, it seems to me that my children are here to learn their own lessons and find their own way–the path that feels true to them. Go figure.