Should You Stay Together after an Affair?

I love this question and I really love the couples who face it. Why? Because I can relate, and just by closing my own eyes, I can recall their uncertainty, frustration, and the love they have buried with fear. Should you stay together after an affair? In my opinion, the answer is sometimes a hardy 'no,' regardless of the promise and promises people try to preach in their behalf. These people usually have a huge resistance to letting the unfitting relationship go and opening themselves up to the unknown--thereby missing wonderful opportunities in the right direction.

More often for the people who seek me out, the answer is a resounding 'yes.' I believe people know in their heart whether or not a relationship is worth their hard work and precious energy. Love is free. You can give that to everyone and everything, and there's no price to pay. However, relationships are a harmonized give and take, so to love the one you are in a relationship with requires daily deposit. In your heart, you need to know that your deposit is worth your energy--or you won't really give it your all--and you need to know that the relationship is providing you a nutritional return.

After an affair, there are certain characteristics a couple will demonstrate that show their passion and willingness toward each other. All of these are good signs that things will work out for the best. As a dear friend and counselor told me after I experienced betrayal in my marriage, "Sometimes a couple will never recover, and their relationship will end over an affair. Other times, a couple will recover and rebuild and their relationship becomes a thousand times better." How do you know which category you fall under? Here are some clues that you're headed for a thousand times better:
1. A Great Track Record. This refers back to another post about Maya Angelou's quote, "When a person shows you who they really are, believe them the first time." That doesn't mean the affair--if a person was trying to show you their dishonesty, deceit, and disloyalty, you would have gotten millions of signs before the actual affair occurred. This means, when you look back on your history together, is it filled with loving, touching, caring moments? Can you tell that good comes from the core in your partner? Or does the good seem to cover up the deceit? I believe that a great track record can even include past mistakes when history shows that the mistakes happen because the person or couple does not know how to deal with times of uncertainty, stress, or upset. Can you see the love beneath your partner's actions--good or bad? Do you have a record of resilience through tough times?

2. Joy and Optimism. Does your couple love to have fun together? And I don't mean Bourbon Street, night club, stripper poles-kind-of-fun (and I don't Not mean that, either), but here I'm talking about Sunday-night-at-home fun. Do you share an overall spirit of joy for the life you share? And the people and activities and things around you? Do you enjoy quiet times alone--is there laughter and peace? Do you look forward to tomorrow, next weekend, next year, and the next decade together? All of these are good signs in the right direction.

3. Connection. When my husband and I are feeling distant of each other, we often refer to our "connection" in conversations about it. Connection is important. It is the feeling that holds the relationship together, that knowing that when I'm not with you--I'm still with you. And vice versa. This is one and the same with trust. Connection can feel like a poor, abused innocent in the aftermath of the affair, but it's important that you had it and that you are willing to rebuild and improve on it.

4. Passion. This is a given. You must love the one you're with, and invest in rekindling that desire on a daily basis. Are you excited to see your partner at the end of every day? Do you look forward to phone calls? Intimacy is a fundamental building block in any love relationship. You may be experiencing trust and anxiety issues in this department, but passion can be restored after the affair.
5. Gratitude. This is such a healthy and rewarding expression of self. It is okay if you didn't express your gratitude often before the affair, but it will be a key to rebuilding and improving your relationship for the future. Gratitude is the manifestation of loving thoughts and optimism combined.

For more information or personal affair recovery coaching, please visit my website at www.rescueyou.org. All the best in life and love, my dears!

What would you do if your partner cheated on you?

If you found out your partner was having an affair, how do you think you would handle it? As someone who has been through this experience, and stayed with my partner through it all, I am always fascinated to hear others discuss infidelity. Most often the knee-jerk reaction is, "I'd leave."
Imagine though, that your partner had been unfaithful. This is actually not too hard, as it is a common fear in relationships. Would you need details? Would you want to know how it started? Would you feel threatened by the other man/woman? How long would you stick around to get those details? If you left, do you think everything would feel better? If you stayed, do you think all that was would be permanently stained?
Would you ever be able to trust again? Are you entirely trusting right now?

The Rescue You Program by Lisa Jacobs

Hello there!

I must admit, I love a virtual friend! I enjoy meeting like-minded people who engage me in new thoughts and bring new ideas to the table. That said, I look forward to seeing you again in the futuire. All the best in life and love, Lisa Jacobs

Clutter Clearing, Soul Cleansing

Last month, I focused my entire being on being organized. Part of that process was taking care of unfinished business, those nagging little tasks that won’t do themselves, but will drain you of vital energy every time you think of them and how unfinished they remain. For example, I made dentist appointments (this was particularly easy because my dentist is so busy, we won’t actually have to go to any of those appointments for two months) and taking my dogs to the vet for a check-up and all of the over-priced prevention medicine they could suggest. I made budgets, scheduled exercise, planned meals, etc. I was trying to ensure my life was organized to help me produce the results I want.


I am currently focusing my being on being cleansed. I will do this for the entire month of March. What I’m noticing right now, is that you can cleanse almost every aspect of your life. For instance, what is consuming your mental energy? I asked myself that very question last night, and I’m being over-critical of past mistakes and over-analyzing recent events that made me quite uncomfortable. What am I doing, but creating more of the same with the constant frown or worry brow I wear? It’s time for me to turn back to my trusted and beloved Louise Hay. For positive affirmations and insight, nobody does it better! She’ll be in my ear all day as I readjust my thought process for brighter ideas and a fresh start.

I love working with my environment when I’m actively trying to raise my energetic vibration, so I’m cleansing that as well. I feel fortunate that this urge has fallen right in time with spring cleaning! As I’m scrubbing the corners of my home, clearing cobwebs, and moving unnecessary items from the house, I’m symbolically telling the universe “out with stale, used up energy and in with a fresh force.” It feels good, and it looks good too.

I’m cleansing my time consumption. If I’m not using my time to produce the results I want, then I try to be using my time to rest and rejuvenate myself, to play or laugh, to soak up fresh air, energizing sunlight, or my family’s love. I turn off the computer when I’m done working to avoid mindless clicking, and since I’m not much of a TV watcher, this does the trick. Without the computer to sit down to, I find that I’m sitting down less because I’m busy depositing more Life in my life.

What adds Life to your life?

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” – Howard Thurman