I am going to meet you now, whether you like it or not.

I moved into my neighborhood about nine months ago and I have yet to really meet a neighbor. It’s spring, and the ‘hood is bustling, and I’m shouting “Hi!” and “Hello!” with good response, but not getting much further. Fuzzy neighbors are slippery like that.

I call them fuzzy because I’m near-sighted and I rarely wear my glasses if I’m not driving or watching The Real Housewives of anywhere in this country. So, the people could be giving me dirty looks, could be smiling, could be talking to me on line in the grocery store, but I’d never know it unless I started wearing my glasses. Up close, they’d be people with faces, instead of fuzzy neighbors from afar. However, up close seems like a thousand miles away–quite a journey–and I’m ready to take the first step.
Truth be told, I was mad at all of them for months. I really love my new home and I pictured my neighbors approaching me–all giddy and glee–with welcome baskets and Real Housewives conversation. Never happened. The most dialogue I got was when the next door neighbor asked me to stop allowing my dogs to go to the bathroom in his yard. He was right, that happened. In my defense, that was after he neglected to bring me a goody basket or even come out and say “hey” when we were moving in. You saw me moving in! I know you did, you big being of fuzz.

So, lately I’ve been having a few conversations with my friends (of which I have MAN-Y–and good ones too, fuzzy neighbors) about my neighborhood. And someone made the most enlightening statement, “To have good neighbors, you have to be a good neighbor.” Aha! I will no longer let the dogs loose in the yard, because they don’t behave and tend to roam off wherever they want, which happens to be just across the imaginary–but very real–border between my neighbor’s house and mine. I’ve started taking those dogs on more walks, AND I bring plenty of poo bags. With that, I feel that I am becoming more neighbor-licious every day.
Therefore, I am going to meet you now, fuzzy neighbors, whether you like it or not. You may be wondering, “who is that woman who keeps waving at me when she drives past my house?” Or, ”Who keeps shouting ‘hello’ at us from two blocks down the street?” Or, “What’s that lady doing on our lawn?” She is me. And I was simply admiring your tulips–what a good year for them, wouldn’t you say? Next time, come out and greet me. I’m not crazy. I’m just so darn good-neighborly.

Being Happy at Home: For Stay-at-Home Moms

I have been a stay-at-home mom for over nine years now and I have about two years to go before my youngest goes off to school. I am enjoying this phase in my life immensely. Here are some tips and pointers for loving your children and remembering yourself.

1. Build Your Schedule. Are you new to the world of domestic bliss? Chances are you have gotten lost in your pajamas and the programming of daytime TV. This approach starts out as Nirvana and ends up as torture. Your creative mind gets lost in the process.

Or, perhaps you are at the opposite end of the spectrum. Maybe you are a go-getter at the office and now you are taking the same approach with baby. I see you grinding your own organic baby food and flipping through the black and white flashcards with your newborn.
The first true step of stay-at-home parenting is to recognize that this is going to be a glorious phase in your life. Just because you are home now, does not mean it is the right time to lay focus on decorating your entire house or getting to that garage project you have been meaning to for years, though you will have plenty of time for that in gradual and time-appropriate steps.

Schedule your time to utilize it, just as you would at the office. You are probably going to take on responsibility for a considerable amount of housework now that you will be in the home, schedule that in half hour to one hour increments. You probably like to enjoy a favorite TV program every weekday, schedule that. You need time for meal preparation and exercise, schedule those items too. Fresh air does a body good, pick your favorite time of day and schedule some of that for you and your child.

With a tidy schedule to look over, it turns out there are more hours to the day than you thought! You will also realize where your time is wasted. My biggest time-waster is internet window shopping. To curb this habit, I allow myself an hour to email, browse and click through the internet and then I shut the computer down for the day. Once you identify your own largest time-waster, your schedule will run more efficiently.

2. Identify your goals. Children grow fast, so this time is temporary and should be enjoyed. Make realistic goals of what you would like to do with your time. Would you like to use your time at home to teach them things they would otherwise be learning at daycare or preschool? Would you like to strengthen the bond between you and your child and use this time to build security? Would you like the time to introduce cultural and social aspects?

There is no right or wrong answer here. It does not matter what your best friend or your sister-in-law is focusing on. Ask yourself what you are looking to do with this time, what feels good for you, and then stick with that goal.

3. Acknowledge and honor your strengths. This goes hand-in-hand with forming a goal for your time as a stay-at-home parent. Take a minute and think of your parenting style:

Are you patient and do you have the ability to break down lessons into simple instruction? You will probably enjoy teaching your child the basic lessons in preparation for writing, reading, and arithmetic. This will result in pleasant and rewarding time for the both of you.

Are you family-oriented and nurturing? Do you enjoy cooking and baking? Would you prefer cuddling at home versus going out on the town? You will probably enjoy using your time as a stay-at-home parent to strengthen the family relationship, and you and your child will enjoy practicing acts of thoughtfulness and charity together.
Are you active with tons of friends and your schedule is loaded with play dates and lunches? Let this be your focus! Your child is learning, from you, how to be a wonderful friend and an upstanding member of the community. You and your child will begin to take pleasure in organizing events and activities together.

Doing what you do best, what you truly enjoy doing, is the best way to live a fulfilling life. And living a fulfilling life is the easiest way to teach your child the path to their own pure joy.
4. Enjoy yourself. I really mean this one. Do not look at this time at home as a prison sentence or a means to an end. Do not feel frustrated by the terms of the situation. If you feel that way, it is time to reorganize your goals and your priorities.

Look for creative outlets, alone and together with your child. Schedule nap time in accordance with your own desires and use the quiet time to relax in the shower, read an entertaining book or magazine or whatever it is you love to do when no person needs anything from you. Practice this every day.

I invested in a jogging stroller that fits my two youngest children. I combine my exercise hour with something the children will be involved in (fresh air and a stroll) and we do this most days right before nap. When we come home, I’m invigorated from the workout and the children are sleepy. They lie down and I treat myself to all the spa-like products in my bathroom. Then, I use the rest of my time for whatever feels right for me that day. Some days, I too need a nap. Other days, I soak up the peaceful quiet and practice meditation or read a great book.

5. Don’t worry about a thing. Every little thing is gonna be alright.

We are, all of us, perfect. Whatever mistakes we are unknowingly making in our children’s lives are part of our learning process. We are doing the best that we can with the knowledge that we have right now. Copy, paste, repeat.

We are a society of over-achievers and we have started to over-think this whole parent-baby relationship. The baby needs only one thing from a parent. That one thing is unconditional love.

In relation to the steps above, I will admit that I am not a teacher. My patience is limitless, unless I am trying to teach someone how to read. It is not in my nature to do so. Proof that this isn’t the end of the world: My third and second graders are reading at above-average levels with the lessons they have been taught in school. Ta-da! I still have academically successful children.

I am not a socialite. I decline most invitations to play dates and I just say no to about half of the birthday parties my children are invited to, especially if I’ve never heard any of my children utter the name of the birthday boy/girl. My children and I manage to maintain quality friendships and loving relationships that individually enrich our lives. Ha-Ha! I still have socially progressive children.

I am the other thing–I call it domestic and traditional. I cook and I bake and I cuddle. I try to give more than I take. I try to teach my children to share the wealth, think positive and feel good. And sometimes, they don’t feel so positive and we work on that. At other times, they have absolutely no desire to share a toy that they were not even playing with in the first place. We talk about that. However, it seems to me that my children are here to learn their own lessons and find their own way–the path that feels true to them. Go figure.

Should You Stay Together after an Affair?

I love this question and I really love the couples who face it. Why? Because I can relate, and just by closing my own eyes, I can recall their uncertainty, frustration, and the love they have buried with fear. Should you stay together after an affair? In my opinion, the answer is sometimes a hardy 'no,' regardless of the promise and promises people try to preach in their behalf. These people usually have a huge resistance to letting the unfitting relationship go and opening themselves up to the unknown--thereby missing wonderful opportunities in the right direction.

More often for the people who seek me out, the answer is a resounding 'yes.' I believe people know in their heart whether or not a relationship is worth their hard work and precious energy. Love is free. You can give that to everyone and everything, and there's no price to pay. However, relationships are a harmonized give and take, so to love the one you are in a relationship with requires daily deposit. In your heart, you need to know that your deposit is worth your energy--or you won't really give it your all--and you need to know that the relationship is providing you a nutritional return.

After an affair, there are certain characteristics a couple will demonstrate that show their passion and willingness toward each other. All of these are good signs that things will work out for the best. As a dear friend and counselor told me after I experienced betrayal in my marriage, "Sometimes a couple will never recover, and their relationship will end over an affair. Other times, a couple will recover and rebuild and their relationship becomes a thousand times better." How do you know which category you fall under? Here are some clues that you're headed for a thousand times better:
1. A Great Track Record. This refers back to another post about Maya Angelou's quote, "When a person shows you who they really are, believe them the first time." That doesn't mean the affair--if a person was trying to show you their dishonesty, deceit, and disloyalty, you would have gotten millions of signs before the actual affair occurred. This means, when you look back on your history together, is it filled with loving, touching, caring moments? Can you tell that good comes from the core in your partner? Or does the good seem to cover up the deceit? I believe that a great track record can even include past mistakes when history shows that the mistakes happen because the person or couple does not know how to deal with times of uncertainty, stress, or upset. Can you see the love beneath your partner's actions--good or bad? Do you have a record of resilience through tough times?

2. Joy and Optimism. Does your couple love to have fun together? And I don't mean Bourbon Street, night club, stripper poles-kind-of-fun (and I don't Not mean that, either), but here I'm talking about Sunday-night-at-home fun. Do you share an overall spirit of joy for the life you share? And the people and activities and things around you? Do you enjoy quiet times alone--is there laughter and peace? Do you look forward to tomorrow, next weekend, next year, and the next decade together? All of these are good signs in the right direction.

3. Connection. When my husband and I are feeling distant of each other, we often refer to our "connection" in conversations about it. Connection is important. It is the feeling that holds the relationship together, that knowing that when I'm not with you--I'm still with you. And vice versa. This is one and the same with trust. Connection can feel like a poor, abused innocent in the aftermath of the affair, but it's important that you had it and that you are willing to rebuild and improve on it.

4. Passion. This is a given. You must love the one you're with, and invest in rekindling that desire on a daily basis. Are you excited to see your partner at the end of every day? Do you look forward to phone calls? Intimacy is a fundamental building block in any love relationship. You may be experiencing trust and anxiety issues in this department, but passion can be restored after the affair.
5. Gratitude. This is such a healthy and rewarding expression of self. It is okay if you didn't express your gratitude often before the affair, but it will be a key to rebuilding and improving your relationship for the future. Gratitude is the manifestation of loving thoughts and optimism combined.

For more information or personal affair recovery coaching, please visit my website at www.rescueyou.org. All the best in life and love, my dears!

What would you do if your partner cheated on you?

If you found out your partner was having an affair, how do you think you would handle it? As someone who has been through this experience, and stayed with my partner through it all, I am always fascinated to hear others discuss infidelity. Most often the knee-jerk reaction is, "I'd leave."
Imagine though, that your partner had been unfaithful. This is actually not too hard, as it is a common fear in relationships. Would you need details? Would you want to know how it started? Would you feel threatened by the other man/woman? How long would you stick around to get those details? If you left, do you think everything would feel better? If you stayed, do you think all that was would be permanently stained?
Would you ever be able to trust again? Are you entirely trusting right now?

The Rescue You Program by Lisa Jacobs

Hello there!

I must admit, I love a virtual friend! I enjoy meeting like-minded people who engage me in new thoughts and bring new ideas to the table. That said, I look forward to seeing you again in the futuire. All the best in life and love, Lisa Jacobs

Clutter Clearing, Soul Cleansing

Last month, I focused my entire being on being organized. Part of that process was taking care of unfinished business, those nagging little tasks that won’t do themselves, but will drain you of vital energy every time you think of them and how unfinished they remain. For example, I made dentist appointments (this was particularly easy because my dentist is so busy, we won’t actually have to go to any of those appointments for two months) and taking my dogs to the vet for a check-up and all of the over-priced prevention medicine they could suggest. I made budgets, scheduled exercise, planned meals, etc. I was trying to ensure my life was organized to help me produce the results I want.


I am currently focusing my being on being cleansed. I will do this for the entire month of March. What I’m noticing right now, is that you can cleanse almost every aspect of your life. For instance, what is consuming your mental energy? I asked myself that very question last night, and I’m being over-critical of past mistakes and over-analyzing recent events that made me quite uncomfortable. What am I doing, but creating more of the same with the constant frown or worry brow I wear? It’s time for me to turn back to my trusted and beloved Louise Hay. For positive affirmations and insight, nobody does it better! She’ll be in my ear all day as I readjust my thought process for brighter ideas and a fresh start.

I love working with my environment when I’m actively trying to raise my energetic vibration, so I’m cleansing that as well. I feel fortunate that this urge has fallen right in time with spring cleaning! As I’m scrubbing the corners of my home, clearing cobwebs, and moving unnecessary items from the house, I’m symbolically telling the universe “out with stale, used up energy and in with a fresh force.” It feels good, and it looks good too.

I’m cleansing my time consumption. If I’m not using my time to produce the results I want, then I try to be using my time to rest and rejuvenate myself, to play or laugh, to soak up fresh air, energizing sunlight, or my family’s love. I turn off the computer when I’m done working to avoid mindless clicking, and since I’m not much of a TV watcher, this does the trick. Without the computer to sit down to, I find that I’m sitting down less because I’m busy depositing more Life in my life.

What adds Life to your life?

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” – Howard Thurman